The “Ex-wife” and Memories of my Drunken Facebook Escapades

I know that I’ve reminisced about my previous drunken self’s embarrassing Facebook misdemeanours before, but this is something quite funny which I just shared on my Facebook timeline.

My wife, Sally Hand:



Yeah, I know… that’s quite a disturbing photo.

What happened was that back when I was still drinking, about five years ago, I got bored one night and for some inexplicable reason thought that it would be amusing to set up a fake Facebook profile called ‘Sally Hand’ which I could officially list myself as being married to.

Why? Well, because I was silly like that – especially when fuelled by Carlsberg Special Brew. Hell, I still have my dorky moments even now, but back then it was like I was never happy unless I could post some daily outrage. I could be quite mean with some of the stuff that I could post, actually… I shudder at the memory of some stuff… I lost a lot of friends… but it has to be said that this is one of the funniest things which I came up with at the time.

Get this: ‘Sally the masseuse’ got more friend requests than I ever did.

But after a couple of months I’d decided that the joke had worn a bit thin and me and Sally got Facebook divorced. Why? Well, certain people who’d seen my relationship status as ‘married’ on FB hadn’t actually thought to click any further… so they assumed that I had become hitched to an actual person called ‘Sally Hand’… and how do I let down someone gently when they’re saying ‘you’ll have to introduce the wife to me’?

Oh well…

Author: Gary Bell

Gary Bell is a writer, illustrator and teacher based in Hartlepool in the north east of England. The Sinclair Method (a revolutionary pharmacological treatment for alcohol addiction) saved his life over 5 years ago.

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